You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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