I'd wear matching sweaters with you
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
