I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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