Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
