Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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