Just fell off a train. Bad.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
