its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
