my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
