i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
