Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize