I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
