I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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