how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Randomize
