Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
