This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
