would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
