I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
