cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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