oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
