I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
