Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
