one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
