Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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