I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
