So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
