Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If I die, sorry about rent.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.