Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Pooping to opera.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
