no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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