I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
