just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
