If i come over, it means nothing
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
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