I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
