I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I don't deserve a penis
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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