do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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