I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
