so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
