just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
