I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
