That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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