My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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