Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
