is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
