It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
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pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
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I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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