She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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