it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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