Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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