is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
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We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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