there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
one might say we're banned from that church
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
