There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
