so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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