i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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