i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
