Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
