who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
