I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so let's talk penis.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
