I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
