I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
nutella sex= disaster
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
